Murder of One

I wrote Hoku a long email, explaining where my head has been lately and asking some questions that needed to be asked. I dont want to really write much on that because he checks my blog and I want him to read the email first …

I’ve been missing this friend of mine lately… he gave me an ultimatum months ago and told me either I could continue talking to him, or I could talk to James. I don’t like ultimatums, so I chose James. I don’t regret this choice, but now that James has been fading out of my life, I’ve missed my other friend more. We always have our falling outs, then we hang out for a few months, then we lose contact again, so this is really nothing new. … I need some computer work done, and this is his specialty, so I wrote him a facebook msg explaining what I needed done, and then at the end I told him that I’ve missed him. We chatted a little bit, decided that we should get coffee and catch up soon, and that I would meet up with him sometimes next weekend to give him my external hard drive to fix.

Then he sent me a friend request. Accepting it means that James will probably unfriend me. Denying it means that my friend will think I’m still choosing James over him. 

I accepted it. I can’t keep letting other people make my decisions for me. He and I have been on and off friends since 6th grade, we had yet another falling out, but I’m over it now, as long as he is. I won’t stand for him bashing James, at that point it will be over again, but I can’t keep holding onto James either. 

Sigh. Even with all this going on, I’m feeling good overall.